There’s a population of singles out there who, when asking a potential partner what they’re into, physically recoil when the response from said potential partner is: “I do music.” Why? We’re scarred. I like to say that there are only so many obnoxious guitar riffs and toxic musicians a person can take.

As with all archetypes, the list of stereotypes about those who pursue music seriously is extensive. You’ve got the “trash Soundcloud rapper,” the band kid who never left their band kid phase, your local aspiring indie artist, the punk rock drummer who's six foot three, and so much more. They certainly exist, and dating these so-called archetypes is a whole other ball game.

As someone whose track record would indicate that I only date musicians, trust me: I get it. I guess you could say the pattern started in middle school; my first little boyfriend was a cellist, and he had me hooked. Then, I developed a habit of involving myself with marching band boys: I dated a trombonist, saxophone crusader, and a trumpet player back to back. Since then, I haven’t been able to truly break the cycle.

There’s a lot that comes with dating a musician, one of the most frequent side effects being songs written about you or in your favor. I’ve had diss tracks released about me—the product of a very random junior-year relationship. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get a positive song. Emerson alumni and NYC/NJ based musician Tom Teahouse “likes to write positive music,” saying that he keeps it “sweet and in good taste.” Though, don’t assume every musician is going to pen lyrics about your relationship; that can lead to some unnecessarily extra expectations.

“I like to say that there are only so many obnoxious guitar riffs and toxic musicians a person can take.”

Additionally, in these relationships it’s possible to date the kind of musician that’s so dedicated to their music career that they’ve forgotten there’s anything beyond FI Studio or their musical theater classes. It can often feel like they care more about their music than they do you, or that they hyper-fixate on external things, as opposed to spending time with you. Student Minna Abdel-Gawad, ‘25, laughingly talks about an experience with their ex: “It was after his crew assignment, and he came over to my room and [sat] down on my bed and he [proceeded] to talk about different kinds of trumpets for probably thirty minutes, nonstop. There was no, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’”

While this story may be endearing, others are not so much. My first semester of freshman year, I was seeing an older guy who claimed his career was music. I thought it was attractive at first, but before I knew it he was ditching dates with me to film music videos, drop new singles and move to L.A. Pretty quickly after the initial infatuation, I became a shadow in his life. I know what you’re thinking! What if he’s about to get über famous? Then it would all be worth it, right? Well, I hate to break it to you friends, but not every pot-dependent city kid can become the next Weeknd.

Even after a relationship ends, the consequences of being the ex-partner of a musician can be awkward and irritating. Abdel-Gawad declares, “I cannot avoid it. Whenever he releases something, whenever he’s doing anything, his friends repost the shit out of his music, so it’s on all of my stories.”

“I hate to break it to you friends, but not every pot-dependent city kid can become the next Weeknd.”

All of this being said, not every relationship with a musician is frustrating. For example, dating someone who has a passion for musicianship can lead to really fun and exciting creative collaboration. Another Emerson student, Therese Lourdes Labordo ‘23 talks affectionately about her current boyfriend: “I was with him while he finished his last album, and I helped him tweak some final decisions on some songs. I did the photo shoots for his album drop, and I’ve filmed his music videos that he has used for marketing his stuff. He helps me with a lot of my own stuff, so we always support each other in our endeavors!” Ugh, so cute I almost shed a tear!

From the musician’s perspective, dating can be a whirlwind too. Teahouse explains,“If I’m playing a show or doing something along those lines, it might set off an initial attraction,” but also, “a lot of people think that if you’re a musician, then that’s a red flag.” Another musician, Noelle Gordillo ‘23, has felt pressured in the past when it comes to partners who have wanted her to write songs about them and their romantic relationships. She says, “I don’t think there should be any pressure regarding subject matter…just do you,” which can be difficult when there is an unspoken expectation that you’ll pull a Taylor Swift.

Dating a musician can be cool! You can learn a lot from them, their experiences, and their passions. All jokes aside, the truth is that there’s always going to be something attractive about musicians. What is it about them? Is it their undiscovered and raw talent, or their subtle confidence and Pinterest aesthetic? Is it the artistic and often emotional nature that makes you think you can trust them with all of your secrets? Or is it their potential celebrity-like status, the possibility that maybe…just maybe, one day, they’re going to sell out stadium tours? Whatever it is, I’m into it, and I’m probably going to keep coming back for more.

The Chronicles of Dating a Musician