KARSON. Talks Authenticity, Mental Health and Their Mom
Image courtesy of Renee Newman
Green glitter falls onto the table as KARSON. appears before me in a puff of smoke, accompanied by their manager, Berklee undergraduate Jillian Manahan. The agender glam rock artist moved to Boston from a “tiny little village” in Wisconsin this past September, seeking the progress of the East Coast.
In their hometown, they were the only musician they knew and one of very few queer people and people of color living there. As a result, they spent most of their life closeted: it wasn't until last year that they started experimenting with their gender expression and “really understanding who [they are] as a person…it felt very comfortable and very affirming.” Making music is something that helps them come to terms with their identity while paying homage to their culture. Their “identity as a person of color and [as] someone who’s queer is directly based on the way that my parents raised me, you know, with music.” Currently, most of the music they’re making is glam rock and hip-hop, a direct result of hearing the music their mom played for them as a child: “As much as I feel like I dont go to my roots, I really do, all the time. My first dream was to be a pop star at like 2 years old…[Music has] just always been around me, and it made it easy to be like, ‘oh this is who I am, this is the music I should be making.’” Their mother’s influence doesn’t stop there: the glam rock artist even credited their comfortability experimenting with gender expression to her, explaining that “as much as she doesn’t realize it, [she’s] very queer in her expression,” and emphasizes how much they appreciate her continued support.
Image courtesy of Renee Newman
Despite having full control over their music production for as long as they’ve been an artist, KARSON. is not opposed to sharing the floor with other mixing and mastering engineers as their career continues to grow: “I love doing everything myself, and I want that control, but then I can't grow as an artist. Collaboration is the one thing that’s gonna keep me going, the one thing that’s gonna keep me inspired.” While they enjoy collaborating creatively with Manahan and look forward to working with musicians they admire in the future, they emphasize the importance of starting a song on their own. “The beginning of a record is a telltale of what I'm really feeling — I want to be raw. I think that's the only thing I'd really keep to myself, until the end of time. My own personal relationship with music is what matters the most.” They also describe needing a personal connection to their own music just as much as they need collaboration to continue: they have mastered the balance of not being dead-set in their own ideas while still remaining true to themself.
Their music and personal style is a reflection of who they are as a person; “I mean, it’s really just an amalgamation of everything I like…I can't decide, for the life of me, on anything!” Much of their inspiration comes from “the pretty part of the ‘80s and the ‘70s, the very glamorous…bright lights and cool clothes. Genderless expression.” They cite David Bowie and Queen, in particular, as two of their biggest stylistic influences, saying that their aim is to “modernize glam music while paying respect to it and pay [their] dues as a glam rock artist.” KARSON. uses the “uncanny” nature of genderless expression — existing outside of the norm — to emphasize dark themes in their music. “I can sit here and be all pretty and glamorous, but I’m also going through a lot, which is…what this entire project is about — it’s about being genderless and queer and expressive and bold, but also, you’re going to have some dark thoughts. I’m so tired of people shying away from those things, or [even] glorifying it. This is how I feel, take it or leave it. This album is my confession tape about how I’ve felt my entire life.”
Their debut album, THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE, addresses uncomfortable topics head-on through vulnerable lyricism about their mental health struggles. KARSON. takes listeners on a sonic journey as they confront the darkest aspects of their own queerness. “There’s a lot of scary parts in [TDA], whether it’s what I’m saying or sonically. Yeah, it’s gonna make you uncomfortable, that’s the point… when I was first making the project, [I thought] ‘I want the first song to be this explosive and sexy song and the last song to sound like a panic attack.’ …That’s how I feel sometimes, it’s real and it would be a disservice to the people listening to me if I didn’t give them that.”
THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE tells the conceptual story of “two characters, GLAMSTAR. and Kendrick…my mental health and me. The first half of the album [is] my mental health being like, ‘you can’t run from me, you can’t fight me. I’m here to stay.’” The darker first half of the record focuses on glamor, emphasized by it being sonically more new-wave and glam-rock. The second half is Kendrick, the artists’ real name, representing themself: “it’s more so pop and funk and hip-hop and indie. More so like, ‘okay, you’re gonna get me? I’ve done this a million times!”
“I grew a lot because of this album. I tore myself to shreds. I ripped every single part of me apart to be like, ‘what is the issue?’ I’m not being myself, I’m lying to myself. [In my early music] I was catering and trying to do something that wasn’t really me. I deserve to be unapologetically myself. I’m allowed to do that, the same way everybody is. I [needed] to stop getting in my [own] way and I’m trying to tell other people, don’t get in the way of [being authentically] yourself.”
Their artist name, KARSON., came as a result of the very thing they were trying to avoid during the creation of THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE. “I go through very different names. Everyone in my family calls me Kendrick, all of my friends call me Karson or K and most of the people that listen to my music call me Glamstar. When I was younger and I started making music, I was hiding from who I was and I [wanted] to feel like [what] I was feeling wasn’t me.” They would name their lyric books different words or phrases — and one stuck: KARSON. “I kept the period because I wanted it to be a statement. I wanted the end of my eulogy to say ‘this was KARSON.’’
Image courtesy of @jillianminahan
KARSON. “mixes, masters, engineers…[does] everything,” when it comes to their music. Upon having a chance to see them live, their deep understanding of their own music was evident in their electric stage presence; they commanded the floor, moving in perfect time to every note. It’s something they’ve always done: they describe growing up impoverished and not having access to music equipment, despite wanting to make music for as long as they could remember. “I tried to find different ways to make music if it wasn't [electronic]. Eventually, I remember [being] 10 or 11 and I saw a keyboard [at a garage sale].” After some begging and sobbing on their part, their father lamented and they wound up with their first piece of recording equipment.
Their craft continued to evolve as they grew older: freshman year of high school, they dropped out to pursue music more seriously, on the condition that they got a job in tandem. “Thankfully my mom was supportive. I was determined, I was very determined. I told my mom, ‘If I don't get you a diploma, I’ll get you a Grammy.’” They used the money they made working during that time to buy a computer, a speaker and a desk to build their own studio at home. Making music is innate for KARSON. and they have only continued to refine their skills over the years. Since moving to Boston, they have grown significantly both in their self-expression and as an artist, producer and writer:
“If I don't get you a diploma, I’ll get you a Grammy.”
“I feel like I wasn't able to think freely and act freely, musically, at home in Wisconsin, but now I really can. You know, it’s a different aspect of self expression that I can feel now. I hated where I was and I didnt feel like I could be who I wanted to be, but in [my home studio], I could be who I wanted. I made most of my last album at home in my room and finished it here [in Boston].”
As a result of their recent artistic and personal evolution, the glam rock musician also recently made the decision to delete their old music from Spotify. Prior to this decision, the music they made at sixteen was their most popular on the platform, displayed at the top of their artist profile. They discussed feeling like it overshadowed their newer work and has skewed people’s perception of who they are as a person and artist.
“I want people to know I'm thankful for the love and support, but it just felt like music was speaking for me, where I just wished my new album would [instead]. [People would] listen to my music and the first song is from when I was like 16, and now they won't take me seriously because it wasn't mixed perfectly or the production wasn't that great. I wanted the music that people were finding me for [to be] the music I [wanted] them to find me for. It was getting hard, it was messing with my mental health.”
Their unique personal style and dark themes in THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE shine through in the record’s accompanying visual mini-series. “Every song gets a video. All those little things were [scripted] by me and Jillian.” The most recent installment, a companion to the album’s first track, Teenage Beauty Queen, was released on Instagram on December 1, 2023. It features friend of the artist Rosie as well as KARSON. themself.
KARSON. and Manahan are taking their time rolling out each song’s visual companion, as they “want [this album] to have some longevity. I want people to not forget about it. I really worked really hard on it, I really tried to make something that fully explains who I am. You know, your first album is supposed to explain your life and I really [want] people to hear that.” They want listeners to embark on the journey with them and the mini-series is a way for them to make the project, as a whole. “ — interactive. People can really be a part of it and understand who I am, not just a musician, but as a storyteller.”