Playlist: Beating the Shit Out of the Norman Lear Statue
Fucking Norman and his stupid grin
Current Record: 9 Wins - 11 Draws - 6 Losses
For the last 26 days I have been fist-fighting the Normal Lear statue which resides in the 2B alley between the hours of 8 and 10 p.m. Tonight will be our final battle…
I come upon the scene of our final engagement to see Norman standing there, waiting, grinning that sinister grin I’ve come to hate. I know I must be quick to stand a chance against the elusive southpaw, so I come out swinging, catching my stately foe off guard to land a few quick jabs and a shot to the body. I feel I’ve got the momentum, so I distance myself with my right hand and land an uppercut with my left, then feint to the right hoping to keep my distance from the unmoving figure. He hasn’t tried to strike me back yet, but I’ll be damned to let him catch me off guard.
Our battle ensues for the coming hours, each strike leaving little to no mark on Norman’s complexion while bruising and bloodying my knuckles beyond repair. With searing pain shooting up my arms and legs, I leave it all in one final combination. I sweep his left leg before unleashing a right hook into his cheek that swivels his head and knocks his hat from the stone, spinning it 180 degrees on top of his head.
I bounce back to keep my distance and admire work, when a bronze arm breaks from the foundation and spins everything back to its original position. “Is this what you fucking wanted!” Norman shouts as he breaks from his moorings to face me.
Finally. A fair fight…